toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
