I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize