The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize