I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
