i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
