The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
