we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize