I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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