there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
