i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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