He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
