Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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