dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
