Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
