It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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