that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
