I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
