We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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