Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
