She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
