Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
