After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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