Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
