the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
