Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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