I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
