i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
