How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
