he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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