Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
