So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
