Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
