I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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