Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
