I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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