We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
