and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize