What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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