mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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