I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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