1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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