omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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