In America we eat man semen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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