dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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