She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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