More tranny stories later!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
