dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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