Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize