I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize