I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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