mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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