porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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