Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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