The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
