What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sext me about skeletons
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
