I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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