So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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