Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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