if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
