Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
