theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
