New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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