Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
