You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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