We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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