Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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