forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
