I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize