Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
