all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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