Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
