so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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