I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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