We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
