Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
