Only a mothe r could love this liver
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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