I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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